I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
I CAN MOONWALK!
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
