If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
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