ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
