A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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