I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
