i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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