I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
