I think my vagina is haunted
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
In America we eat man semen.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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