I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
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