Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I haven't reeked of cheap beer and poor decisions in months. I officially hate adult life.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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