I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
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