does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
he was CRYING into my vagina
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Randomize
