And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
