Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
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Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
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last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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