i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Its guy fieris flavor town of suffering™
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
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