Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
