Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Hi this is the guy from the cell phone store. Your Dad just upgraded your phone as a surprise. I didn't tell him about your topless pics on your phone. I transfered them to new phone. Nice rack!
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize
