Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
