Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
