I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
