So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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