I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
