I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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