just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Randomize
