You're a womanizer and a bitch.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
