I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
