Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
Randomize
