would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
