They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
You're a waste of cheezeits
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize