i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
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Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
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So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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