Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Randomize
