R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
She announced her abortion via fbk
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
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