My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
Randomize
