so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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