So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
