i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
