I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
