where am i from again
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
Randomize
