I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
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