Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Randomize
