You're so nebulous sometimes
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
