yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
look to my right... shes dancing like she's playing dance dance revolution and her character is a retarded, drunken moose
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
