i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize