ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
