Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
