I am puke
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
You've changed since you got that strap on
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
