I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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