my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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