Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Randomize