I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
I have feelings that need drinking.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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