Your tits are I can't wait for
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize