We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
