just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
