man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
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S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
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AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize