i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
