I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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