So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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