So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
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