I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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